New Agent Chronicles: I lost a client and now I am taking it personally

Most of us do not remember what it was like to be a new agent. As a coach specializing in working with new agents, I’d like to remind you. The bills were piling up and waiting for that first closing was agony. In New Agent Chronicles, I’m going to give my thoughts, analysis and expert opinion on the good, the bad and the ugly from new agents' experiences from across the country.

           In this article, I’m going to take you through a situation that a new agent recently brought up. This new agent was working with a client and felt that things were going well.  For no specific reason, the agent found out that the client wanted to work with another brokerage.  The client cited some weak reasons and none that the agent felt could change or potentially be remedied to win the client back. The agent said - I’m new and I know I’m taking this personally.  As someone who has been in the business for over 20 years, I’ve grown some thick skin, but I still remember what it was like losing one of your first clients.  I felt this agent’s pain and I know you do too.

           So, what was the advice I gave to them and what would I be saying to you if you were in my office?  I would point to one of my favorite quotes on my office wall by Nelson Mandela which is “I never lose, I either win or learn.”  I told the agent - you must ask yourself a few questions - did you put enough energy, effort and work into the relationship to be able to ask the client some questions as to why they are going with another brokerage?  If the answer is yes, then meet with the client. Not every client is going to want to sit down with you and not every client is going to feel comfortable doing this.  Although you may feel comfortable asking for a meeting, you must respect the fact that they may not want to.  If they are willing to meet with you, the first question to ask out of respect and to gain clarity as to the direction the conversation will be going is to ask them if they have signed an exclusive agreement with another brokerage.  If they have not, then ask if they would be open to working with you again if you work through some of their concerns. This is a big first step and an important question. They may really like you but there are things that happened or that they are misunderstanding about your current work situation that may be causing them to either explore or use another brokerage.  

           For this article and example, I’m going to be working under the assumption that there is no possibility of resurrecting the relationship, but the client is clearly still willing to talk to you.  You should ask them if you could use this as an opportunity to learn how you could potentially do better with future clients. In this situation, honesty is going to be the best learning tool.  It’s going to sting, and you must resist at this very moment to be defensive. Being an active listener is a tool you need to hone, and this is probably the most difficult environment for you to do it in.  When meeting with them, you must listen, nod your head, write notes and empathize with how they felt things went. After they are done speaking, provide them with feedback. Tell them you are sorry that they felt that way; and if you were in their shoes, you could understand how your lack of “x” would make them feel that going with another broker was the best decision.  After you’ve done this, wish them the best in their real estate journey but always leave the door open.  Tell them that if there is anything you can do for them in the future to please reach out to you and thank them.  

           Now that you have gathered all this data, feedback and notes from your meeting, it’s time to unpack.  The first rule of unpacking is to not do it alone. That would just be you festering in your defensive thoughts and thinking about all that went wrong.  That’s called feeding the emotional beast which is not rational.  As a new agent, you should always have people you can go to, i.e. coaches, mentors, brokers, managers.  Reach out to them and say - I just lost out on a client, and I had a chance to sit down with them for some feedback.  I took notes and I’d like sometime this week to go over them with you. That is the only time you should unpack.  The reason is that they won’t let you get defensive - they will try to make it a learning experience while still letting you vent in a safe way.  

           So, should you take it personally?  The answer is no. Babe Ruth had a .300 batting average and is considered the best baseball player of all time.  Some people may not like you and may go with other brokers. It’s how you handle those situations and use them as opportunities to learn which will make a difference.  Leverage your coaches, mentors, brokers, and learn, learn, learn.  If that doesn’t work, then you could always get a punching bag to take out your frustrations on. I’ve had one in my office for over 20 years.  

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